PauperHandmade

For Baby

2011-11-12T19:32:00.000-08:00

Just at little list for myself of all the things I'd like to make for baby. It already feels like it's going way too fast so I'd better get moving as the list seems to grow longer each day!

Source: etsy.com via Tove on Pinterest

I bought a pattern for a similar hat on Etsy and have made most of one of these sweet hats in grey, newborn size.

Source: junkinjunky.blogspot.com via Tove on Pinterest

Isn't this beautiful? Would love to make one each for Aoife and baby.

Source: purlbee.com via Tove on Pinterest

Could I not be a better (and faster!) knitter? I love knits so much, but they give me so much trouble. This sweater from purlbee is simply lovely. Maybe I could manage this? Also would suit boy or girl.

Source: ravelry.com via Tove on Pinterest

I. Adore. This. Sweater. Okay, I'll take the baby too. They are both just lovely. This looks complex to me, but maybe I could muddle through it.. I think the effort would be totally worth it.

Source: ravelry.com via Tove on Pinterest

Ahh, this hat kills me. Cute overload. Guess it would not work well for a boy though? Well, he wouldn't know till he was older :)

Source: ravelry.com via Tove on Pinterest

No wonder this is called the 'Sophisticate'--you could not get much more distinguished than this sweater! And works well for either gender..

Source: ravelry.com via Tove on Pinterest

Pure cosiness.

Source: etsy.com via Tove on Pinterest

Slightly ashamed to say that I've just bought this. Pure impulse buy. It will never fit Aoife now and we have no idea if this baby will be a boy or a girl, but it was a really inexpensive Etsy purchase and I have such a hard time resisting vintage baby clothes. Maybe I will just keep this and admire it :) That lovely colour and the smocking..could not resist :)

P.S. I am finally happy with the look of my blog--new header and background! I think I can finally leave it alone now. With great thanks to The Background Fairy for providing such lovely backgrounds and headers and straightforward instructions for Luddites like me! (You'd never know I'm 'married' to a computer programmer--you'd think I'd have picked something up by now).

Two Little Hats

2011-11-10T20:37:00.000-08:00

Aviatrix Hat on Ravelry

Aren't they lovely? Thanks again, Mum!

The left is for our sweet Aoife, the right is for a new little one that we are terribly excited to welcome in April or May :)

Festive

2011-10-21T09:41:00.000-07:00

I know we've not even had Hallowe'en yet, but I couldn't resist another festive post! I saw this treasury on Etsy's front page this morning and just love the mood it invokes--what a beautifully curated collection! Makes me excited for those cold snowy days, the smell of wood-smoke in the air and sipping something hot in a cozy house..

Little Waldorf Angels

2011-10-18T19:20:00.000-07:00

It's been a quite some time! I'm sure there's probably not a soul left reading here after my long hiatus, but here I am again with a tiny update nevertheless.

I'm participating in my first ever craft sale at the beginning over November, so I've been working away to get at least a few things ready to be able to offer there.

I've been very inspired by the simplicity of the Waldorf style and so made some ornaments in this style for the show.

Here they are!

I was quite proud of my new little tags too--though my hand was killing me for two days after punching all those little things out of the heavy brown pattern card! I got the stamp made from a seller on ebay for about $10 and I really like the way it turned out.

With Heavy Hearts

2011-08-27T20:42:00.000-07:00

Our country bid farewell to a great man today. For many of us he drastically changed the face of politics by offering hope and optimism in some very cynical times. He cared about issues that affected everyday Canadians and to many he was the embodiment of everything that is great about this country.

If you get a chance (and if you haven't already), please read Jack Layton's letter to Canadians, written two days before his death, which I believe has resonance no matter where in the world you are from.

Thank you, Jack. We salute you.

Flashback Friday: Miniature Artistes

2011-06-24T15:36:00.000-07:00

August, 1981

Backyard painting, featuring my brother and me.

Somehow, I still get just about that messy when I paint!

Aoife is much more like her dad at craft time, always wanting to keep clean and have her hands wiped. I love to watch her precision in contrast to my reckless abandon. At the moment she's still in her balloon period--the conversations during paint time can be quite funny:

A: I'm going to paint a tree!

painting....painting...painting...

Me: Oooh! That's a lovely tree, Aoife!

A: Actually, I think it's really a balloon Mama. Can you paint me a tree?

Flashback Friday: A First

2011-06-17T09:48:00.000-07:00

Just as Tia, over at Christopher & Tia, is winding down her blog and has posted her very last Flashback Friday *sniff*... I'm just getting around to posting my very first!

Flashback Fridays, from Christopher & Tia:

So heres what we do. Every week we dig through our memories- old cell phone pictures, polaroids from 1986, something that you pulled out of a dirty shoe box- and we flashback to it. We show it off, and we write about it. We take ourselves back to that place, with as little or as much detail as our hearts are willing to share. Scan it, upload it, copy and paste it from your livejournal (remember those?)- display your memories in whatever way works for you. And then grab out button way down at the bottom of the page there (or link back old fashioned text style), add it to your flashback, add your link to our flashback, and if you've got an extra minute- maybe browse around and read some of the flashbacks left by others. Its just for fun. And really- memories are too precious to be left in an old dirty shoe box.

I thought this was such a lovely idea and enjoyed reading many of the entries, though never got around to it myself..

So, here it is, my very first flashback:

June 2010

Only a year ago and how much these two have changed--two little cousins, meeting for the first time--our little A. and my brother's daughter, E. visiting from England.

Sitting together, reading, sharing 'freezies', laughing and playing--it was truly a joy to see them meet for the first time! We hope to travel to the UK soon so the cousins can be together again and also meet A's new little cousin, E's newborn brother.

What a difference a year makes! Aoife looks so baby-like here with here chubby little cheeks. What little sweethearts they are!

Thanks Christopher & Tia for your lovely blog and for establishing this forum for sharing old memories!

Post your own Flashback! It's fun!

i ♥ this little face

2011-06-12T21:25:00.000-07:00

Honoured

2011-06-10T14:12:00.000-07:00

I had a lovely surprise this morning when I checked my Etsy mail and found that my wool felt Bunny Clown is the 'Friday Find' on the OhCanadaTeam blog. How exciting! And what a sweet write-up about my shop--I feel very honoured.

Thanks OhCanadaTeam!

PS. Sorry for not getting up the toddler shirt tutorial and pattern as promised this week! I realized when I went to scan the pattern that I have no idea how to do the resizing so that you can print the pattern at home. Fortunately, it seems there is a tutorial for that! So once I get that sorted, I will definitely have it up.

Today I ♥ ...

2011-06-09T13:14:00.000-07:00

This gorgeous alphabet sampler by Alicia Paulson. Isn't it so beautiful?

And I just might know a little girl who loves her ABCs who would love one of these hanging on her bedroom wall. Since A's dad has been singing her the alphabet song since she was a tiny thing, it is one of her favourite songs and the first one that she was able to learn completely.

Unfortunately, all the kits for this sampler are currently sold out but you can purchase the PDF pattern here for only $6.

Refashion Tutorial: Simple Update for a Vintage Shirt

2011-06-04T10:58:00.000-07:00

I love vintage clothes. But sometimes, they look just a little too dated. I've found with a lot of vintage shirts it's the sleeves that give away their true age--either they're too boxy, too flowy, the cuffs are too large, they're too 'decorative,' etc.

I loved this blouse when I found it at Buy the Pound (one of my all-time favourite stores for dirt cheap vintage clothing)--it was lovely, except the sleeves were just way too much--a full length sleeve with a lace cuff is far too decorative and stuffy for me, especially with the lace neckline. I also prefer a 3/4 sleeve, so that was my aim with this revamp. With a little shortening and a bit of ruching, this blouse is updated and ready for life in the modern world.

Start: Cuffs are too fussy, sleeves too long.

Give them a little trim--I took off about 8".

A rotary cutter makes this super fast and easy--just place your metal ruler down where you want to cut, press firmly and cut across.

I then made the hem by pressing up 1/4" and then 1/4" again and doing two rows of stitching around.

For the ruching, measure up the centre outside of the sleeve as far up as you'd like the ruching to end, then draw a line with an erasable marker. If you are more adept at sewing straight than I am, you can just eyeball it. I've sewn ruching before and gone completely off track, so now I make it easier for myself and just draw the line.

I stitched the elastic with a narrow zig-zag. I then placed the end of the elastic just inside the edge of the hem and back-tacked a few stitches to hold the elastic in place. Stretch the elastic as far as you can and begin stitching. Once you get a little way in, stretch both sides of the elastic as you go. Be careful not to catch the other side of the sleeve in the stitching underneath!

Ruching complete!

A nice, updated detail.

No more stuffy cuffs!

Now I have a shirt to wear tonight and I don't have to do laundry :) And no one will be asking me where I parked the DeLorean!

PS. I guess the toddler shirt will be my second tutorial!

Last Year's Dress

2011-06-03T14:59:00.000-07:00

I am the world's biggest procrastinator. And that's the reason I have about a hundred little projects all around my studio that were started, some years ago, and are still awaiting completion. This little dress was one of those projects--I drafted the patterns for this last year when A. was a year and a bit old. I started 5 dresses, one intended for A. and the rest for my shop. One is now finished and four little dresses are hanging, half-made, in the closet--perhaps a grandchild will benefit from one of those!

Ah well, I was quite proud to have finished this one with the purple flowers for A., though the length is obviously more suited to her last year's baby self! At least it is light and breezy and perfect for the warmer weather.

I snapped a few photos of A. in her little dress yesterday as she danced around in the evening sunshine.

Taking care of her favourite baby, Gino.

So, today I was working on...my very first tutorial! It is for a simple toddler blouse incorporating my first attempts at using fold over elastic (FOE). Hope to have that up on the weekend!

See you soon.

Theo Jansen's Ingenious Walking Sculptures

2011-05-31T08:35:00.000-07:00

J. showed me Theo Jansen's Strandbeest site a few weeks ago and I've been meaning to share it since then. Theo Jansen, in my estimation, is certainly in the realm of genius for creating these incredible walking sculptures out of old pop bottles, plastic tubing and bicycle pumps, among other things. These huge beach creatures are self-propelling and use the power of wind to 'walk' along the beach. I urge you to check out the videos on the StrandBeest site (also on You.Tube, I believe) to see how these 'creatures' move as they are truly beautiful and awe-inspiring to watch--I can only imagine what it would be like to experience in person.

A Creative Life in its Infancy

2011-05-29T17:19:00.000-07:00

These made me smile today--lovely (in my own estimation!) paintings by my little two-and-a-half year old-- the first recognizable shapes beyond scribbles and blobs. She just starting painting these of her own volition--balloons and flowers (in case you didn't know!). Boy, were we impressed!

Makes me want to look through some of my own little paintings and see those first attempts at producing recognizable objects on paper--luckily my parents saved quite a few of our paintings and drawings (thanks mum and dad!). I have a feeling though that I wasn't making anything recognizable before the age of at least 6! I do have a painting of my beloved guinea pig from that age and it's pretty rudimentary :)

I found this article in the NY Times exploring the debate over keeping your kids' artwork quite interesting, with some parents keeping every piece and some (gasp!) throwing out everything before it even gets through the front door. I think I would fall somewhere in the middle, keeping the most important pieces or several pieces from each year and recycling some of the lesser ones.

Anyway, thanks for humouring me! For some whatever reason, when you have your own kid, everything they do is amazing (well, perhaps excepting the temper tantrums!).

See you soon.

Aoife: Mama, remember when I was little and I was a scaredy baby?

Me: Were you? What were you afraid of?

Aoife: Remember I was sooo little tiny and I was scared of the Wii?

Me: Oh were you?

Aoife: Yes. But now I'm such a big girl I will never be scared of that again.

Window Shopping - Lovely Etsy Finds

2011-05-28T17:22:00.000-07:00

I've just been window-shopping on Etsy (what else is new!), dreaming about all the lovely handmade things I could buy had I the money. These are totally random likes, not really any kind of theme here.

Hope you will check out these nice shops too!

Polly and Kate knitting pattern, by DollyTime in the UK. The patterns in this shop are just so lovely! Now if only I could crack this knitting thing. I just love the 'sewing companion' bunny below:
How sweet are these knitting patterns from the LittleCottonRabbits shop? Look at that Hedgehog Pin Cushion (I've actually bought this pattern so it's in the queue of things I've bought patterns for and have yet to make!)

And this egg cozy? How lovely is a bunny egg cozy! I so hope that A. outgrows her egg allergy so that she doesn't miss out on the joy of having 'runny eggs and soldiers' and then I would have the excuse of making a bunny egg cozy...well, perhaps I could make one for myself anyway! What a sweet gift these would be to knit up and give too, along with some egg cups?

I'm a bit of a sucker for nice hairpins.. and vintage-looking ones? Essential! These ones I find particularly lovely. You can find them at SewSweetStitches along with some stunning embroidered pieces such as gadget cozies, broooches and jewelery.

I love the muted tones of this embroidered cuff, also available at SewSweetStitches.

This hemp hand-printed fabric caught my eye some time ago and I'd love to find a project to use it for. Isn't is beautiful? Available from FiberOrganics. I love this shop which focuses on selling sustainable fabrics made of hemp, soy and other natural fibres and includes many hand-printed items.

Minouette shop has some of the most beautiful prints. I truly admire anyone who can make a lino-print with such refinement and detail as this lovely raccoon print below--having done some lino-printing myself it is not an easy feat! I certainly could not resist a print featuring one of my favourite animals :)

I'm drawn to the haunting nature of the photographic work of judemmcconkey. I particularly love the image below, but have many favourites from her shop. It looks like she has a sale on at the moment to, so if you enjoy her work as I do, you can take advantage of that and get two prints for the price of one!

MarciG shop makes stunning ceramics. This poppy bowl is just lovely, don't you agree? Visit her shop for all kinds of organic looking, sweetly simple pieces. Just beautiful!

Lastly, I could not resist this print of an original painting. Ah, lovely Kurt! Available from PuddleDuckPrints shop, by a talented artist in Glasgow. Check out her new shop for original pieces featuring musicians and abstract urban landscapes.

I hope you enjoyed window shopping with me! i ♥ Etsy!

See you again soon.

Raw-ish Maple Cream Cacao Truffles

2011-05-24T18:43:00.001-07:00

These little truffles are so delicious. I hope that the photo does them justice. Every time I make these they go very quickly!

Adapted from an Ani Phyo recipe that I didn't have all the ingredients for, so will detail my version below.. I called them raw-ish as the maple cream (maple butter) isn't in itself raw but since maple syrup has minerals that support the immune system and it tastes amazing, I love to include it even in raw food recipes.

I used one of those silicon ice-cube molds from Ikea.

Mmmmmmmm chocolate.

Truffles in progress: one layer of chocolate done, with maple butter on top.

Raw Maple Cream Cacao Truffles

Makes about 12 truffles

1/2 c. cacao butter, melted
1/2 c. coconut oil, melted

1/2 c cacao powder

1 tbsp lucuma powder
1 tbsp yacon powder

Filling: maple butter (I bought the Voisin brand)

Method:

1. Melt the cacao butter and coconut oil together in medium bowl.

Note on melting: It is easiest to grate or shave the cacao butter if you've bought it in a big chunk prior to melting--it will melt much faster. I then put both solid oils in a metal bowl, fill another larger metal bowl with hot water and put the first bowl into the second. The cacao and coconut will melt pretty quickly.

2. Add cocao powder, lucuma and yacon powder and mix thoroughly. There may be some lumps, so try to squish these against the side of the bowl

In place of the lucuma and yacon, you could probably use maple syrup or agave nectar as a sweetener in the chocolate base--I haven't tested this yet but understand that yacon and lucuma are a bit harder to find.

3. Spoon a few teaspoons of the cacao mixture into the bottom of each ice cube mold, about 1/3 full.

4. Place mold in freezer for 5-10 minutes, until chocolates are firm.

5. Remove from freezer and spoon about 1/2 tsp. of maple butter into each mold.

6. Add remaining cacao mixture to each mold so that the maple butter is covered.

7. Place in freezer again until solid, about 5-10 minutes.

8. Once solid, your truffles are ready! You can now pop them out of the molds. Must be kept in the fridge or freezer until serving time as they melt fairly quickly at room temperature.

Enjoy!

Woolly Bunny Friend - New in the Pauper Shop!

2011-05-19T12:59:00.001-07:00

Here is the Woolly Bunny I've just finished and put in my shop. She's like the smaller bunnies, only bigger and cuddlier! This one is made of upcycled white lambswool and has fully jointed arms and legs and child-safe acrylic eyes. Her hat is green wool felt, is removable and closes securely with a durable metal snap. I think my favourite part are her rosy cheeks - there's something rosy cheeks that is just so sweet!

Getting Closer to Truly Sustainable Fabrics

2011-05-17T11:38:00.000-07:00

http://www.wearableartblog.com

I just came across this post over at Crafting a Green World (excellent blog, by the way!), all about a TED Conference talk given by Suzanne Lee about the creation of a new fabric that is truly sustainable. Though the end product needs some refining to make it more usable, it seems an inspiring start towards the use of truly sustainable fabrics in the garment industry.

A few years ago, when I began really making a go of selling my handmade items in earnest, I started researching which fabrics are truly 'eco-friendly' and which are just way too terrible for the planet to use at all. I was dismayed to find that there are really no truly ecologically friendly fabrics and this is because all fabrics seem to use either a ton of water to produce, or a ton of chemicals or a combination of both. It seems that organic cotton is the least harmful of the mass-produced fabrics, and bamboo is one of the worst (although it is often touted as an 'eco fabric') as it apparenly uses a vast amount of chemicals to break down the tough fibers of the bamboo enough that it is able to be woven into a fabric. I was very sad reading that after just discovering how lovely and soft bamboo fabric was!

Whenever I start to get dismayed about the state of the planet and what we seem to be continually doing to harm it, J. will often kindly remind me that 'necessity is the mother of invention' and that it is likely that when we humans are 'down to the wire' we'll really start using our resources to remedy our situation. Some (most?) may argue that we are, in fact, now currently 'down to the wire' and that is why I'm always buoyed to read about inventions such as this new fabric, that will take some pressure off of our already taxed resources and start moving the planet in the right direction, so to speak.

Here is a short quote from Crafting a Green World, on the nature of this new fabric:

"In this fascinating TED Talk, Suzanne Lee talks about an exciting new technology that would allow designers to grow clothing in a process similar to making kombucha at home.

The fabric is actually created by bacteria, yeast, and other microbes that “spin” a cellulose fiber as part of their life cycle under certain conditions, and if this process caught on it would significantly cut the impact of fabric production. Instead of growing plants or raising animals then shipping and processing the materials all over the world to create finished products, this technology would allow designers to grow their own microbe fabric using a very low-energy process and form it into shape."

Pretty neat! You can head over to the TED blog too, if you'd like to read more, or watch the talk by Suzanne Lee.

I think these fabrics are the way of the future for the garment industry. I know I'd feel so much better using these sustainable fabrics, but I suppose for now (until they are able to refine the end product) I'll keep trying to reuse and 'upcycle' as much as possible, as this seems at the moment to be the most ecological means for clothing production.

Wardrobe Change

2011-03-15T16:18:00.000-07:00

My little one stepped onto the porch this morning and in surprise said, oh! hello sun! and waved at the sky as the bright sunshine hit her face. After what seems like an interminably long winter with lots of snow, we are definitely ready to embrace the warmer weather (and this comes from a person who usually loves winter!).

Anyway, nothing gets me more excited about the changing seasons than the prospect of a new wardrobe! But before I can contemplate my own wardrobe additions, I must think about all the new lighter things my little one will be needing--my little one who, with every changing season, needs almost all new things to accommodate her newly gained height and lengthening limbs. Luckily for me, she loves dresses and I can get away with making those with large hems that can be let out as she grows.

So today I made a little sketch-y collage thing of the little outfits I'd like to make for Aoife, which will see her through the spring and summer.

From my one year at fashion school, I realized that my fashion sketches left much to be desired--hopefully you can tell what you're looking at!

Below are some other things I'd like to attempt making:

This is a pattern I came across searching for antique/vintage crochet patterns for babies. This one might be tricky as there is no gauge or sizing instructions--it just says to increase size by increasing yarn weight and hook size, so I suppose you wouldn't know what you're getting until you make it! I think it's so beautiful and hopefully if I do make it it will fit Aoife--otherwise I suppose one of her dolls will have a very nice dress to wear.

Ahhh, isn't it lovely!? Okay, this one is likely way too ambitious for me seeing as I can't seem to complete a knitting project without calling my mum in anguish several times a night until I've finished the thing (I've even had her on Skype trying to take back my mistakes). Anyway...Mum, care to try it? The one above is a version of the Kristiina Temin's Silver Cardigan, which is a free download on Ravelry--yay! free!

A beautiful little muslin dress found on Etsy. I'm hoping to make a similar one for Aoife--I did buy some light muslin and I prewashed it and it shrunk waaaay smaller than I thought it would and now I'm not sure there's enough left--so maybe just a little shirt to wear with jeans for now?

These, i love! Little vintage shoes from the Czech Republic. They would fit Aoife perfectly, but I can't decide if they look like they would be in good enough condition to last as some of the leather looks like its cracking.. Still thinking about those. I adore them though.

Well, that about rounds off the things I'd love to get/make for Aoife... next up is my (wishful thinking!) wardrobe.

♥

Is it Springertime yet?

2011-02-27T15:55:00.000-08:00

Aoife woke up the other morning, ran to the window, peeked out and saw that it had snowed in the night once again--"Oh nooo, I thought it was Springertime but it's still Winter," and walked away a little dejectedly. Even babies get the winter blues, I guess. But as much as she lamented this long, snowy winter that morning, she is still making the best of it with lots of snowball throwing, snowman building and delighting in the big, fluffy snowflakes often falling all around us.

I've been working away on new things for the shop recently, designing and making samples from some new patterns and will hopefully be back with a tutorial (perhaps two!) of sewing-related items. In between all this, we're in the midst of toilet training (which is going surprisingly well) and training pants have become my specialty sewing item lately--I soon realized that we were going to need a lot more of them than I had originally made :)

Hopefully back soon!

One Magic Christmas

2010-12-08T20:24:00.000-08:00

Does anyone remember this film? It is truly my favourite Christmas movie, so sweet and quite Canadian--it was partially shot in Meaford, Ontario! I don't think it gets nearly the attention it deserves, and is definitely a classic in my humble opinion. I love Mary Steenburgen in her role as the downtrodden, jaded mum, Ginny Grainger and even Sarah Polley has a small role (at 4 0r 5 years old) as the little neighbour, Molly Monaghan. If you're looking to get into the spirit of the holidays, this film is definitely the one to watch.

What are your favourite holiday films?

Two

2010-12-06T11:23:00.000-08:00

You weren't born yet.

You were still tumbling, in ever tightening circles, in my heavy, swollen belly.

I stared at your empty crib that night and wondered who you would be, what you would look like, how you would act and think and do. And I couldn't imagine it. I just couldn't imagine the possibility that soon there would be a little baby in that crib, who would be ours to hold and raise, who would have their own little personality and who would make their own impact out there in the world.

And after those 30 hours of labour, I did begin to wonder if there was actually a baby in there to come out and in my delirium, voiced this concern to your dad. But to my disbelief, 6 hours later and under great duress, you appeared.

And now we've had the honour of two years of your sweet, kind, cheeky nature and couldn't imagine it any other way.

Happy birthday, our sweet girl!

Remembrance

2010-11-10T19:08:00.000-08:00

Some beautiful poppy items from Etsy sellers, in honour of Remembrance Day today..

Pippa, Orange Poppy and Emerald Necklace by luxedeluxe

Tiny Poppy Pin by Wychbury

Two Red Poppies TTV Through The Viewfinder Photo Print by Scarlet Beautiful2

Pablo

2010-11-09T17:33:00.000-08:00

This is our new baby, Pablo. This little guy, along with his four brothers and sisters, was born on the street to a stray mama. Fortunately, some kind people took them in and we were able to adopt Pablo and my parents adopted his big brother, Leon.

They are both such sweet kitties and we love having them in our families!

Despite looking big because of all his fluffiness, Pablo is actually quite tiny so we're trying to build him up with kitten milk and what cat food he will eat (he seems to be a little picky!). He is just such an affectionate little guy and loves to be with someone at all times--most of the day he is tucked up inside my sweater and just purrs away seeming to be perfectly content.

Aren't they lovely?

Happy Halloween!! (yesterday)

2010-11-01T12:42:00.000-07:00

My little kitty cat had a great time trick-or-treating this year, here are some of the photos from our spooky night..

Here's Baby A is with her good friend, Dracula:

Milo + Shop Promotion Questions

2010-10-03T06:29:00.000-07:00

Good morning!

Just wanted to stop in and introduce my latest creation--a needle-felted monkey called Milo. He is a bigger needle-felt than the previous ones I've made and is made up of a few pieces with limbs and tail all needle-felted separately.

Milo is currently on auction on ebay, for anyone interested in adding a little vintage-style toy to their collection!

I decided to try a few sales on Ebay and see how it goes, I've heard that other Etsy sellers have had varying degrees of success on Ebay with some saying that Ebay is like the bargain basement where everyone there wants things as cheaply as possible, looking for a good deal and then there are some who say that they do better on Ebay because of greater exposure. Anyway, will try it and see how it works out for me!

I am currently researching other ways of promoting my shop and would love to hear of anyone with ideas of how to do so! Please leave a comment or send me a message, it would be much appreciated :)

So, back to Milo. He's actually been taking many months to create as I've done him in spurts here and there when I've had the time to work on him.

He's all solid wool and completely hand needle-felted. Approximately 9" tall to the top of his head. He also has a nice powder blue velvet ribbon round his neck with a little silver bell on it, which I thought added a nice vintagy feel.

For his coat and hat, I took his little measurements then made a paper pattern, then a sample from some broadcloth and finally the final product out of red wool felt that I had processed in the washing machine to give it a nice fluffy and bumpy texture.

Milo is button + string jointed--I really like the old-fashioned sort of jointing system, it is simple yet effective and still leaves a nice finish on the outside as the buttons cover the thread joints.

Without further adieu, here is Milo!

Baby's Got New Shoes

2010-10-01T15:47:00.000-07:00

I love vintage and I love baby shoes, and so there's really nothing sweeter to me than vintage baby shoes. For me, part of the appeal of vintage is thinking about the history of the items, who might've worn these things and what their story was.

I once bought a box of old baby shoes on ebay, and I love just taking these shoes out and pondering what little feet pitter pattered around in them. Unfortunately many of these shoes were too old and cracked for Baby A to wear, but they were still worth the money just to see the quality of the craftsmanship and the beautiful designs.

Anyway, vintage almost always plays a role in the inspiration for my designs and those shoes were definitely what I had in mind when I was designing these little slippers. They are a basic vintage design, but I decided to make them in nice soft wool felt and added some embellishments with tiny embroidered rosebuds. I have some more ideas for some other decorative effects I'd like to try, so may try those in the future as well..

Here are the ones I added to my shop today, I just love the colour of this felt--a lovely robin's egg blue, just beautiful!

Sweetness Follows...

2010-09-21T12:39:00.001-07:00

Just wanted to quickly share this photo of the little one that I took while visiting my parents last week..

I find it so sweet that Baby A loves to help me card my wool for needle felting...she would desperately love to be able to needle felt herself, but I have to keep telling her she must wait til she's older as the barbed needles are so sharp (believe me, I know-- I prick my fingers about a dozen times a day). She still tries though--often when I'm working she picks up a bit of wool and a sewing needle and starts jabbing at at the wool and says 'making, mama!'

Carding wool, 21 months.

Spookiness in our Midst

2010-09-11T10:20:00.000-07:00

That was a terrible title, but the best I could come up with.. sorry for that!

I love Halloween. I look forward to it every year, and now that I have a little one around it is so much more fun again!

Last year, Baby A went out as a 'Black Sheep' in a costume I'd made that had turned out surprisingly well. Honestly I thought it was going to be one of those last minute disasters and I'd end up buying a costume in the last-minute Halloween rush nightmare that is Value Village. Fortunately it all went to plan and we had a sweet little black sheep, who, at 11 months was not well-versed on the Halloween idea, but seemed to enjoy herself all the same.

The year before that, I waddled along to a friend's party, in costume, at almost 9 months pregnant--I think many people seemed to think that the baby bump was part of the costume! I suppose I was a pregnant zombie or something--being that big, I sort just threw on whatever I could find that would still fit, then put on some fake blood etc. and that was it! Anyway, it was good fun.

This year we are still deciding on Baby A's costume--I found a pattern at Value Village the other day with four baby costumes in it--a butterfly, lizard, lion and elephant; though Baby A changes her mind daily as to what she'd like to be, so it's still all up in the air.

In celebration of the cooling weather, my favourite season being almost upon us, and the coming of Halloween, I made a special treasury on Etsy. I would be so pleased if it makes it to the front page! If you have time, please check it out and visit the shops of these great Etsy sellers.

All these items make such a beautifully haunting portrait--I love every one of these lovely pieces!

Breakthrough in Ovarian Cancer Research

2010-09-09T09:52:00.000-07:00

My partner passed along this article to me this morning. As some of you may know, this is something that has touched my life and we try to keep abreast of new research in this area.

This article discusses an important breakthrough in how doctors can treat the deadliest forms of ovarian cancer and even prevent in from occurring in the first place. Researchers say they hope this will decrease the instance of the disease by 50 percent over two decades, which I would say, is quite significant.

I would hope that this information would be passed on to gynecologists everywhere, but in case it isn't, please be informed of this treatment and pass it along to your family and friends, especially if you know there is a history of breast or ovarian cancer in the family.

Die drei Lebensalter der Frau, Gustav Klimt

It's with a veil, she gives her heart...

2010-09-08T15:58:00.000-07:00

That's a line from a Royal Wood song which was the inspiration for my first ever treasury on Etsy. It includes some favourite items that I've 'hearted' in the last little while. Just thought I'd share these great items from some very cool shops:

Woollens!

2010-09-07T14:03:00.000-07:00

I've finally done the photos for the mittens my mum knitted and felted for my shop!

I'd been waiting for the weather to cool off so that I could dress my little model up in her winter wear without her being horribly uncomfortable taking photos upstairs where it seems to be sweltering if the temperature climbs above 20c.

Fortunately for me, my little model is lovely and cooperative and will get out of bed for less than $10,000 a day.

These little mittens are great for babies and toddlers, they are thumbless and have a nice cuff sewn in to keep them from falling off little hands. They are also so nice and warm due to the felting, so perfect for cold winter days!

If you know of anyone with little ones, please pass along my shop to them...I'd so appreciate it!

New Red Boots

2010-09-05T11:38:00.001-07:00

I'd been looking for some nice fall shoes or boots for Baby A, and came across some lovely red red boots at the Goodwill yesterday--a lucky find: Minibel's that are made in France. Baby A loves them and did not even want to take them off for bed last night--I have no idea where she got that from!

We also got her a great pair of black Wildcat runners, which I think most kids of the eighties will probably remember those shoes! Anyway, both were $2 a pair, which sure beats the $40 I was going to spend on her next pair and both should last through the winter.

We did a little photo shoot to show them off...

Baby A is also wearing the little sweater I made for her last year, which thankfully still fits considering the cost of the yarn I used!

Also wearing the gorgeous hand-smocked dress that she got from Grandma and Grandpa on her first birthday, nice that that one still fits too as I so love it on her.

Woollen Pauper Bunnies

2010-08-29T12:22:00.000-07:00

After many long hours, I've finally finished the 6 other woollen bunnies I was working on (haven't finished taking photos of all yet).

I sew some bits and pieces on the machine, but each limb opening, the body, head and hat are all sewn by hand which is quite time consuming but something I can work on while playing with the little one and don't have to be constantly attached to the sewing machine.

I think each one turned out quite different, despite all coming from the same pattern, just by the difference in the weave and texture of the wools.

Please check out my shop if you're interested in adopting a bunny! I'll be listing the others this week.

Magical Night

2010-08-27T21:34:00.001-07:00

The streets of downtown Toronto were filled with the magical spirit of Buskerfest this Friday night. We met up with some lovely friends and enjoyed an evening of music, magic and whimsical performance.

Baby A, though a bit overwhelmed at first, really warmed to it in the end and was full of spirit on the bus-ride home and couldn't stop talking about the 'dragons' roaming the streets, (who she was convinced were eating our cat's food) and the ballerina mime who kissed her hand!

Some photos of an evening well-spent:

A kiss from her best friend :)

Watching her idol.

Waiting for food to come.

Still waiting and looking very big, suddenly.

Listening intently.

Two peas in a pod.

A view of dada.

A most excellent magician--he was really very good.

The Flatiron building, in front of which the magician was performing.

Sparkly Elvis (this one's for you, Mum!)

Sparkly Elvis, again.

Enthralled by Sparkly Elvis.

My two sweethearts.

Dragons invade Front and Church.

Just to the left of us at this moment, there was a frightened little girl reunited with her mum--what a terrifying moment to become lost in such a crowd and in the midst of dragons roaming the streets!

Right after the dragons, we spotted this lovely ballerina mime.

More of lovely ballerina mime.

A lucky girl gets a kiss from the ballerina mime.

The market facade looks particularly spooky at night.

Market facade again.

Front St. on the way home.

We've always found these bus signs particularly funny, with the 'working woman' stepping off the bus in her 80's attire. It always reminds me of Designing Women, or something.

And this mod-guy, sort of looking like our friend, Eric. I was finally on a bus empty enough to get a photo of these.

Fin.

Chocolate Cake

2010-08-26T09:15:00.000-07:00

I've been working on some little bunnies for my shop and Baby A just can't get enough of them. She's now 21-months-old and it's hard for her to resist cute creatures of the stuffed variety, so it's getting almost impossible to work on the things for my shop without a bit of a struggle.

Yes, it's been a bit of a job to work, as when Baby A's awake, she tries to play with these creatures while I do my best to keep them out of her sticky, hand-smushy reach.

So I finally relented and decided to make her one of her very own (which I'd been intending to do, just maybe for her birthday, though).

It was so sweet to see her so excited about choosing the colours she wanted. After much contemplation and changing of minds, she decided on a dark brown one with a pink hat. For awhile now she's been carrying him/her around limbless as she was so excited to play with it that I'd had to let her play with it at varying stages of completion.

It was well worth it when it was finally finished though to see Baby A's eyes light up when she saw it all completed--she immediately set about putting that bunny to work washing dishes (a Baby A favourite pastime), which he had no problem with, now that he had some arms!

At bedtime, Dada asked her what her bunny's name was going to be--'Chocolate Cake!' she replied.

Baby A and Chocolate Cake are now quite inseparable.

Chocolate Cake, in varying states of repose:

How To Be Alone

2010-08-17T12:07:00.000-07:00

Country Harvest

2010-08-10T09:32:00.000-07:00

I was so pleased to open my email this morning to find that Sofia the English robin has been included amongst some beautiful items in this lovely 'Country Harvest' treasury on Etsy.

Thanks to Amy over at The Peach Tree! So nice that Amy took the time to make a treasury of fall items from shops that are awaiting their first sales.

Two treasuries in one day! Pablo the dinosaur was also featured today. Thanks so much to jojolarue for including me in 'I love a good pounce'!

Liivi the bunny made it in too! One more treasury, Fresh Finds via Pounce:

Toddlers and craft stores don't mix.

2010-08-09T11:28:00.000-07:00

It's hard to tell what this next photo is, but it's actually a photo of my arm covered in Martha Stewart sparkles that are seemingly glued to my skin by sweat.

My first bad idea was deciding to ride the long, long way on my bike (baby in bike seat) in 36 degree thickly humid weather down to the craft store. What was I thinking? It is far too hot for that. And that bike ride is far too long...and hilly. Who decided that cities should be so hilly? They should be flat.

Secondly. Trying to control a 20-month-old in a craft store is, well, near impossible. Besides that though, who thought it was a good idea to put bottles of sparkles at toddler-height anyway? Really.

Long story short, Baby A caused a sparkle atom bomb to go off in the craft store as I tried to wrestle the bottles from her hands and get them safely placed back on the shelf, before, well what happened happened.

So I paid $3.50 for a quarter bottle of Martha Stewart sparkles that I hadn't really intended on buying in the first place. And I ended up covered in sparkles that didn't seem to want to come off.

And people along our route home? Is it so preposterous to be covered head-to-toe in turquoise sparkles when you are in the presence of a toddler? Thank-you anyway for all the smiles and laughs, we are pleased we brightened up your day!

I'm really not into body glitter either. And this stuff is really bloody hard to get rid of. I guess the sweatiness of the bikeride really adhered those sparkles to my skin that even vigorous scrubbing will not take care of.

The ride home also produced a seriously deflated tire and almost getting wiped out by a fire engine. And yes, one unhappy mum. At least Baby A was content the way home: 'mama...sparkle...all....over!' She's getting the hang of sentences anyway.

Oh, and I did laugh. Afterwards.

Liivi

2010-08-08T11:13:00.000-07:00

READ lightly, she is near
Under the snow,
Speak gently, she can hear
The daisies grow.

-Oscar Wilde

Liivi is a tiny, gentle bunny. Wool needle-felting is the perfect medium for creating the softness and gentleness that bunnies embody and I hope I've captured that here.

Pablo

2010-08-08T10:02:00.000-07:00

Pablo is quiet and shy, which is quite unusual for a dinosaur, but when he makes friends he is tenaciously loyal.

Once I have a few more items in the shop, I will either do a promo code for readers or a giveaway on here. I know my shop is pretty new and my blog is long-neglected, but if there's anyone out there, please say hello...I'd be overjoyed. Really.

Sofia

2010-08-08T08:29:00.000-07:00

My first listing in my new Etsy shop!

Sofia is a needle-felted hanging ornament made from 100% wool.

I love English robins, they are so plump and cute, I wish we had them here in Canada.

Baby A is down for her nap now, so off to work!

Old Things

2010-08-07T12:53:00.000-07:00

hello again!

My studio is finally set up and I'm actually working in it on a daily basis right now as Baby A naps.

For my first post back I'd like to share with you a couple of photos of some lovely old dolls that belonged to my mum. The larger doll belonged to my mum's neighbour before it was passed down to her, so probably dates from somewhere around the thirties. She's a composition doll and has quite a lot of chips, but I love that about old dolls. The smaller doll, who is unfortunately all in pieces (she was held together by elastics that have long since disintegrated) was a gift for my mum as a little girl from her auntie in England, so I think she dates from the late forties or early fifties.

I came across a workshop that looks quite promising that begins in September, learning how to make Izannah Walker dolls like this:

I never really knew what an Izannah Walker doll was before I went looking for dollmaking workshops, but now that I've seen these dolls, I love the style of them and am looking forward to making one of my own.

Baby A just woke up and is causing destruction, so best be going!

Bringin' it all back home..

2010-03-31T19:42:00.000-07:00

So my blog and ostensibly, my life, were hijacked by a certain occurrence back in October. What started out as a crafting blog that was meant to be a vehicle for presenting my art and hopefully later also, tutorials, shop updates etc. was suddenly taken over with quite personal reflections when my life took a sudden turn into very unexpected territory. I was left rethinking everything, coping with the possibility of some very bad things coming to light and then having to decide what to do about said things. Now that things are not as bad as they initially seemed, I'm getting everything back on track and hopefully soon I'll be back in business and doing what I love, making stuff for a living!

Back to the personal side of things for a minute, I do have a very big appointment coming up on 6th April that I am quite anxious about which will likely decide the future of my fertility and the potential that we may never be able to naturally have a little sibling for Baby A. I'm going to try not to dwell on this too much at the moment as I try to remember how lucky I have been where many women in my position have not. If there's anything to gain from posting this, it will be to spread awareness for this terrible disease that is usually not in the health spotlight too often, but which I think needs much more attention brought to it.

Please, please make yourself aware of these symptoms and if your doctor tries to dismiss you as having IBS (the symptoms are very similar) and you have a gut feeling that something is wrong, insist that it be investigated further. It whispers, so listen!

Now! Back to our regularly scheduled programming for a bit...

I'm getting my new studio set up, I'm so excited! I've moved upstairs where it's sunny and bright, where I have lots of room and inspiration. Photos coming soon.

In the past few days I've been washing, carding and bagging the almost five kilograms of fleece that I bought from the wonderful people at Gemini Fibres and have started some little needle felted creatures that may end up in the shop at a later day. My bathroom smells of manure, my bathtub's ringed with dirt and lanolin and there are tufts of fleece and straw all over my house, dutifully being picked up and brought to me by Baby A, saying 'mama..more! mama...more!' In other words, I'm in my element! J. just looks at me puzzled thinking, 'there's technology that handles this sort of thing these days'. He joked the other day that my dream vacation would be staying at Pioneer Village for a month. Little does he know, the vacation I'm really planning for us is the homeland of one of his favourite singers, a land of mystery and umm...vulcanoes. I won't book the flights yet.

The warmer days are coming, twenty-five degrees this weekend, and we're off back to my hometown. Can't wait to see Baby A toddling around my cousin's country home gathering easter eggs.

Quack Quack! Oink.

::Unsung Hero::

2009-12-20T14:12:00.000-08:00

She came into my life at what I suppose could be considered the eleventh hour of 2008, but she spent eleven months of 2009 changing my world in every way possible.

She also, it seems, saved my life.

Of course, not being able to see into an alternate future, we will never know what may have been.

What we do know, however, is that had we not conceived that sweet, gentle baby when we did, that the cancer that I was carrying inside me, for god-knows-how-long before that, might have gone undetected for many years beyond this and have become irretrievably far-gone.

As it happened, they found those small, malicious, abnormal cells in a very early stage, detected at my 20 week pregnancy scan. They did not, however, discover their malignancy until many months later at a routine surgery.

We had talked about having a baby, from time to time. For some reason, back in February of 2008, we sort of made up our minds (as much as two, extremely indecisive individuals can) to try for a baby. It happened on our second try.

The moment I came in from the bathroom that morning, I sheepishly waved the peed-on pregnancy stick at J. We stared at one another, like wide-eyed children, thinking 'what on earth have we done?'

I now have read too many terribly heart-wrenching stories of people who did not receive those early warning signals from their bodies, that something within them was horribly amiss. As many know, ovarian cancer is serious, serious business no matter what stage and I know how truly lucky I am that it was detected early.

I search for words to convey how I feel to have been given this ticket for a second chance, where so many others are not.

2009 I grew into motherhood, I got to know the gentle little girl who altered my life in amazing ways. She was so special when she was born on that cold, snowy afternoon in November. In October she became special to us in a thousand new ways.

My sweet, sweet girl. My tiny unsung hero.

This is part of Gwen Bell’s Best of 2009 Blog Challenge

December 20 New person. She came into your life and turned it upside down. He went out of his way to provide incredible customer service. Who is your unsung hero of 2009?

Little Bit of Joy

2009-12-08T20:55:00.000-08:00

We live in a rented house in the east part of the city. I fell in love with the place as soon as I saw the beautiful old white mantleplace. I was always a little sad to have no mantle from which to hang my stocking at Christmas as a little one, and this one thing brings a good deal of joy to me. It makes me so happy to be able to hang a tiny stocking for Baby A from this mantle this year...

I have a handful of decorations that I hung up this past week...

I wish that my camera was better able to capture the sparkliness. Can't wait till I can get this and take my photography to (hopefully) the next level... oh wait, some skill might help too, maybe I'll hope for that next year?

::A Reprieve::

2009-12-03T13:35:00.001-08:00

The man that delivered the verdict was a tall, curly-haired oncologist with a warm, though business-like demeanour. I knew all his credentials before I even met him, feverishly googling him the night before my appointment with shaking hands and a sick feeling deep in my stomach--the best in his field, a top researcher for gynecological cancers, he had lectured the world over and now he was about to deliver to me the news that could change everything.

It felt strange getting off the bus in front of the cancer centre--the stop called out by the bus' automated voice. There were a few others getting off at the stop too, all older, some in pairs and I wondered, which of them is the patient? Perhaps they wondered that about us too. Me, twenty-nine, though with my bangs and backpack, probably looking something like a highschool kid.

J squeezed my clammy hand in his and smiled, don't worry. Those kind eyes, that gentle smile, would they tell me today that I only have a short while longer to bask in the warmth of his sweetness? Please no.

The nurses were so, so kind. They try to keep things upbeat, put you at ease in a place where easiness is hard to come by.

We're in the examination room and I'm wearing one of those bluish gowns with a print that resembles something like a series of compasses all over, please leave it open at the front. I'm so used to this now, this preparation to be prodded and squeezed, clinical hands seeking out the abnormal.

They enter. The student doctor is beautiful and kind. The oncologist is nothing like Dr. House, like all the reviews on RateMD said. They are quick and thorough in their examination--the student doctor whispers sorry as she squeezes and pokes. He is much more abrupt, though for some reason this too is a comfort, these are educated hands that know exactly what they are doing.

They leave the room. We're alone so I can dress and they will come back for a discussion. My tummy is in knots, I'm in a cold sweat and now sore too, from the examination.

I want to go home. Fight or Flight. I am much more flight, that is certain.

J tells me to breathe and rubs my back.

I don't want them to reenter the room, because I don't want to hear. I don't want to ask questions, I don't want to know anything.

Suddenly they are there and right away. Good news, he says.

Jesus, jesus, jesus, lord. Thank-you.

Regular scans from now on. Possibility of the ovary removed to be on the safe side, but no other treatments. The visions of losing my hair, though the least of my worries, dissipates.

One ovary. Everyone, those I had told the news, said to be glad that I had one child. And oh, I was. But I had always envisioned carrying another baby. I had loved it, pregnancy-- the appointments, the sickness, the knowledge that there was this little tiny person in my ever-increasing belly, that would soon enter the world with its sweetness and joy. I had loved it all. Even the horrendous labour, the excruciating ride to the hospital after 30 hours in labour. I wanted it all again.

I had mourned it, when they had first given me the diagnosis. Even before it entered my mind that my life was in danger, I had mourned the notion that I would never, ever carry or breastfeed another tiny baby.

I have always been open to adoption, we had even looked into it before Baby A was born and I still would love to adopt one day, and selfish though I know it is, there is just so much that is magical in bringing a baby into the world and I was so sad that that would be taken away. Not even that in itself, but even just the choice to be able to make it so.

So this thing, this mass a horrible cells that I'd carried with me, carried with me while my beautiful baby was growing inside me. This serous cyst adenocarcinoma that had brought me to my knees in sheer terror and brought with it the realization that I might not have the chance to live long enough to give my daughter a single lasting impression of her mother...

It was gone and I am okay.

Before the doctors had come back into the room to tell me this news, I'd peaked at the photo of my lovely grandma that I'd put in my purse that morning and smiled at her, knowing that if she were out there somewhere in the universe, she'd be smiling back at me.

I've been given a reprieve, where so many others were not, and I feel the magnitude of that.

I've been humbled.

I'd like to think that I could do something great in the world now, having been given this great chance. But if all I can do is to help those who are scared, those who are alone and needing comfort in this world, then that will be enough.

First Birthday

2009-11-25T07:21:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to my sweet one-year-old girl!

A year ago we endured a marathon 30 hour home labour, attempted water birth and 6 more hours hospital labour before Baby A was pulled safely from me and into the world (god, how that sentence does not do justice to the trauma of those two days!). I remember that truly magical moment of her birth and my heart fills with love for my little monkey and every minute we've had to spend with her. We are so very fortunate and feel that every day.

Thank-you, little one, for bringing such joy and laughter into this house--we love you!

Here's our little squid (as papa affectionately calls her), just a few minutes old. Though a little blurry, I love this photo. Taken with papa's still-shaky hands, we were so in awe of our little person, still unbelieving we had a little girl (everyone had convinced us we'd have a boy, so we were in the boy-mindset) and she, still bearing the scars of her somewhat rough-ride into the world.

Happy Birthday, sweet girl.

:: A Bit of Woe ::

2009-10-25T09:18:00.000-07:00

I sit looking at the certificates lining the wall, some not-too-straight and I wonder why it isn't unprofessional to have crooked certificates on the wall. But it seems that they are all that way, in every office or clinic I've been to. One is from the Royal Hospital, one from the University of Toronto, where I too attended, funny that we went to the same school, though at different times. Another is from the University of Ibidan and I make a mental note to Google that when I get home, that's where he did his original degree and I'm curious about where he's from.

I hear the shuffling of papers outside the door.

Just hurry up and come and tell me that everything went well and thank -you so much and have a nice day. And then I'll be off again, riding down the street on my love's too-big bike, with the hole in my tights, ripped earlier that day on the bolt sticking out of the crossbar. Off home to our cozy nest and our sweet little baby and on with my day.

Those papers are shuffling a long time. It occurs to me that he's forgotten my case and must re-acquaint himself with the details, lest I think him unprepared, unprofessional.

Finally the door opens. I give him a big smile. How are you? Great, great, thank-you. How are you?

He walks around behind my chair and stops for a moment, rubbing my shoulder. For a second I think, weird. I certainly hope this isn't going to degenerate into something like I saw on Law and Order the other night. It is amazing how many scenarios can flash through the mind at lightning speed, in a tiny matter of seconds.

But no, he crosses around to the other side of the desk and says my name three times in succession and then sighs.

Wow, he's being so strange today. An amusing thought occurs to me, maybe he's had a drink with his lunch and this changed demeanor is just a bit of alcohol-induced tipsiness?

Another sigh. What?

Okay, so I'm looking through these reports, five of them and I've got to tell you, I'm not happy. No. I do not like what I see. No.

His accent is thick, I stare at his lips trying to ensure that I catch his words right. I do this a lot, this mouth studying, and sometimes have to make a concerted effort to look at people's eyes when they're talking. I wonder if that too-intent mouth watching makes me appear a little off-kilter, like maybe people must wonder if I have a hearing problem, which I do not.

I'm still smiling at him, my polite smile. I like to try and please people and I'm still trying to convey to him my appreciation for what he did, even though I know it is his job.

What is he getting at? It occurs to me that he is joking around. I sometimes find it difficult to read people with strong accents, I find it hard to tell when they are joking or being serious because I don't know what cultural situations have led up to that conversation and maybe, perhaps, I'm missing the joke.

But it dawns on me that he is not joking now. I've never seen someone in his position act this way.

He rubs his face in his hands, like you do when you let your hands travel the length of your face, to your hairline and on up into midair, typically a sign of frustration, I suppose.

It's not good. I don't know what to do. You know what I mean?

No, quite frankly I'm a little lost. I just shake my head though, my polite smile slowly collapsing to the floor.

Do you know what it means to have a bad result?

I shake my head no again. I feel like a child, sitting with legs dangling from a too-tall chair, before the school principal, waiting for my sentence to be handed down.

I'm suddenly on an out-of-control train that is plummeting toward some awful end. My heart starts thumping a little faster, it knows something before my brain has th chance to catch up.

Come on, you know what it means to have a bad result.

I won't say it. I want him to. Just come out and say it, damn you. I stare hard at him.

My brain catches up and I feel the hot tears prick in my eyes. I hate this, I would like to leave now.

I'm slouching in the chair, my polite-posture gone the way of my polite smile. Do I look like a child sitting before him, I do feel like one. Why isn't someone here with me?

There is a knock on the door. In a slow-motion montage, I see the cheerful receptionist at the door. She won't look at me now , though we shared a bright conversation just minutes ago, her face is darkly serious now too. I can't hear what they are saying from the roaring in my ears.

He is back across from me again.

He reads from the paper. Low-grade something -or-other. It's a long name, I can't even recall it now as I think hard about it. What does that mean?

Unreality. Is this really me sitting here?

All I hear screaming in my ears are statistics I've read, months or years ago. The silent killer, they called it.

Just cells, a mass of cells, out-of-control like some druken, speeding driver. Speeding off to close a deal with fate.

He shows me the five reports but I don't want to see them. Isn't that the first step, denial? Ah! It is so true now, isn't it? Those people do know what they're talking about after all.

There are appointments to be made now. I don't want to do this. I see this long, terrible road stretching out before me and I don't like it one bit. I don't want to take it, that road.

He passes me a tissue. Don't cry. He smiles a sympathetic, almost apologetic smile. But all I see are ugly curling lips. Though I know he is a nice man.

I see my hands shaking in front of me, the tissue already ragged and torn. As the tears carve paths down my cheeks I realize the peculiarity of showing this level of emotion in front of a man I've seen only twice in my life. These minutes have somehow acquainted us at high-speed.

I should go now, there's not really anything more to say and I can't sit in this office in my pool of tears all day.

I'm gathering my coat and purse, my bike seat and helmet.

Suddenly he is my ally, my life-line. I get this urge to hold onto him, I want to cry into his shoulder. He seems such a nice man, if a terrible messenger.

He reiterates the plan. Will I see him again? I open my mouth to ask, but can't urge the words from my dried-out lips. I need him now, he's seen my future.

I glance at the receptionist and the waiting room, now empty, as my wooden legs carry me past the reception desk and out the door. How nice that they would clear the waiting room, so no one would be there waiting to witness this tremulous, humiliating fear.

Out on the street, I wonder where to run to. I methodically unlock the bike and put the seat back in place. I stuff the helmet into my purse.

Big, fat splotching raindrops hit my face. How funny she is wearing sunglasses in the pouring rain. I could take them off I guess, since everyone else's face will be wet too. But I don't, I want to feel like I'm in disguise.

My little family is coming along the street. I see them through the whizzing cars on the Danforth. I can be reckless, I can walk out into them and not fear getting hit now, I've already won that macabre lottery.

He is waving, my sweet one. I lift my mittened hand. When did I remember to put my mittens on?

A few more steps. He sees my face, contorted. Confusion and concern flashes over his.

I'm melting into his woolly coat. It scratches on my face but I love the familiarity of it.

What? What?

I can't say it though, not out loud. I whisper it, my voice is raspy. THERE. It's out. Okay, universe? It's out there, and it's true and it's happening to me. Me.

Acceptance now? Isn't that the wrong order? It is, and I don't think I'm anywhere near that yet.

Cars are rushing by, I wonder if their occupants are watching us, craning their necks to witness our grief through streaming windows. Likely not, concentrating on their own busy lives, rushing home to waiting families and hot suppers and happiness.

Her little eyes peer up at me from within her cocoon of snowsuit and warm-blankets, sheltered against the harsh October wind and damp.

I crouch down and push my face into the soft warmth of her doughnut baby cheeks.

Mama!

Okay sir, I see your hand and I will raise you.

So by god, you will have to do more than this to take me away from this sweet place I'm in.

Blind-sided

2009-10-22T12:25:00.000-07:00

Where do you put all the dreams that you had, when someone or something comes along and changes the path on you?

It started out not a great day, not a bad day either though and changed to a day that you only read about other people having. Now there are decisions to be made.

I woke up feeling not too bad, sunny disposition

At least it wasn't a sunny day

When I got blind-sided..

'cuz the bathroom mirror has not budged
and the woman who lives there can tell
the truth from the stuff that they say
and she looks me in the eye
and says would you prefer the easy way?
no, well o.k. then
don't cry

Books!

2009-10-14T10:37:00.000-07:00

Beautiful new books! I get so excited when I receive new books in the mail--two are craft-type books that were just released yesterday that I have been waiting ages to receive after pre-ordering some months ago. So far, I love them! The other book is Ani's Raw Food Kitchen, which I'm so excited about as I've been trying out the raw-based diet in an attempt to improve baby A's eczema and just for overall heath and wellbeing.

The first crafty book, Carefree Clothes for Girls, on first glance, is a lovely book chock-full of really inspiring clothes for little girls. These are not your run-of-the-mill, cutesy type girls clothes that I don't really like at all...these are simple and sweet, whimsical clothes made from natural materials, with neutral colours, kind of what I consider Depression-era chic, which is totally my style. Really really nice! The patterns come already-printed for you so you don't have to do any printing or scaling and re-sizing, which is excellent as that is what usually deters me from getting around to making anything from previous sewing books I've purchased.

The second book is Felting for Baby which looks just as inspiring if you also love making things with natural materials as I do. I've been making things from felt for quite some time now but really wanted to refresh my memory on wet-felting techniques that I originally learned from my wonderful textiles teacher in highschool.

Will post up some pics from these books once I've looked through them again and share some inspiration!

Knitted Love

2009-10-13T14:15:00.000-07:00

My sweet mum-in-law just brought me two new knitting magazines for fall. One of them is Debbie Bliss knitting for Fall/Winter 2009 and there are some pretty nice knits in there. Here are a couple of my favourites:

I would love to make a sweater but I think it might take me about ten years to complete...or longer. This chunky knit looks so comfy and perfect for lounging around the house in.

happy thanksgiving and meet me at the cemetery gates

2009-10-12T08:17:00.000-07:00

We had a lovely Thanksgiving weekend in the company of good friends and with an abundance of wonderful food. Baby A had her first Thanksgiving, unfortunately her dinner consisted only of her specially-made banana bread (wheat, dairy and gluten-free) and some mushy sweet potato as her allergies continue to be a problem. Despite everything she is such a happy little thing and a great joy who loves giving hugs to everyone.

I recently came across some of the photos from my last UK trip and thought I might post some of the better ones up from time to time.

I love this one of the entrance to the Liverpool Cathedral where the tunnel is lined with old, broken gravestones. I was enthralled by cemeteries (especially old ones) as a child, the one near my house growing-up was a favourite spot to play, and whenever I travel I love to visit the cemeteries and take photos.

'A dreaded sunny day, so I meet you at the cemetery gates...'

Entrance to Liverpool Cathedral.

poem inspired by love and pregnancy hormones

2009-10-07T16:39:00.000-07:00

i wrote a poem when i was five or so months pregnant with my first (and so far, only) baby...i've been apprehensive about sharing poetry ever since i was told by my brother, whilst in high school, that my writing resembled a dr. seuss poem, which would have been great had i not been an angsty teenager obsessed with writing about death and with suicide, specifically (how unusual, i know!) i suppose that was a helpful (though hurtful at the time) criticism as it was really the first time i considered that all my poems might not have to rhyme.

at the time i wrote this poem for the little one growing in my tummy, i didn't yet know that i was expecting a girl, though i imagined that if i was, i wanted to think of some words of wisdom that i could impart to her, to ease her way through a world that is still quite hostile toward girls (in some ways increasingly so).

i envisioned that i'd like her to be strong of spirit and more true-to-herself than i perceive that i had been. i hoped that she'd have a gentle soul, yet have a beautiful, energetic zest for life. i wanted to let her know that i'll support her in every way, though step back and also let her find her own path. lastly, i will try to pass on enough of my own wisdom to shelter her from some of the hurts that i had had to endure in my own life. i hope i've succeeded in conveying something of this.

since i know that no one actually sees this blog, i don't feel so shy about sharing...but, i guess that's not really sharing though is it? ah well, here we are at the poem...

for my baby

Be like the oak and stand fast

Don't let those lingering thoughts let you fall
Be gentle as the wind
But glow as the sun on autumn leaves

I'll quicken my steps to catch you at the water's edge
I'll bend as the branches to let you grow strong

I will follow you through tall grass and deep waters
To lessen your hurt
And cushion your shuddering heart.

Printing by Hand

2009-09-23T07:27:00.000-07:00

Oooo, my new print-making book has arrived! Printing By Hand by Lena Corwin. It looks beautiful! I can't wait to get started.

In high school I took lino printing and lithography and loved it, but not having access to a printing press after high school really hindered the printing process. That is why I was so happy to come across Printing by Hand, no press required! My foremost intention for getting this book is to start learning how to print my own fabric, something I've always wanted to do. Oh, and the really wicked thing about this book is that it is spiral bound, so necessary in a craft book!

Ooooo Autumn!

2009-09-22T11:16:00.000-07:00

Finally! My favourite season has returned!

Time once again for the smell of wood fires wafting in the crisp air, crunchy apples, baked squash, woolly sweaters, rosy baby noses, kicking through colourful leaves, hot tea and lovely pumpkins! I even smelled the smell of pencil shavings as I passed by a neighbourhood school the other day and I thought fondly of those first days of school when everything was new and bright and hopeful. I lost that zest for school somewhere...perhaps it was grade nine when school life got so much more complicated, but I still remember those elementary school days so fondly.

I'm actually getting some work done these days and hope to open up pauper in the near future to showcase some of my pieces. I must say, it is rather difficult getting anything done with a wilful 10-month-old on the loose who always wants to see the exact piece of fabric you're cutting or eat the paper pattern that you just completed, but it is getting easier now that A is sleeping in more regular intervals.

Okay, back to work! I'll leave you with one of my favourite things from fall--baby pumpkins! Or gourds I should say, as I was once reprimanded by a four-year-old for calling them otherwise.

Baby pumpkins from last year. I can never seem to get them to dry properly so I keep buying them year after year..

I'm off to work on baby A's Hallowe'en costume, I'm really going to try and make her one and hopefully I won't have to resort to buying anything.

knitter

2009-08-26T10:32:00.000-07:00

There is nothing like sweet knitted baby things to inspire the knitter in anyone. So here I am, on my fifth, sixth, seventh (!?) attempt at knitting, to make baby A a nice sweater for winter. I went out yesterday and spent far too much money on some lovely cashmere/silk/merino baby wool, new needles, stitch markers, stitch holders. I am far too inexperienced to know what-was-what and am aware that the lady at the store was taking full-advantage of that by supplying me with the best (ie. most expensive) materials she had to offer. That being said, I'm wondering if that is why this eighth attempt at knitting is going along much more successfully than any of my previous failed attempts. I feel like I should go back to the store and thank her now... This needle glides so smoothly, the wool is beautiful to work with and it seems that this nicer quality of materials is making all the difference. I think that I'm just kind of weirdly challenged when it comes to knitting, all those loops on the needles falling off, adding some where they shouldn't be...I don't know. I hope I'll get it this time and actually come out with a finished product that looks halfway like the pattern intended..

Here 's the pattern, the Seamless Baby Kimono, that looks insanely difficult to me, but is, according to many of the amazing knitters on Ravelry, quite simple. This lovely pattern is offered for free--thank-you Jacki!

It's my second day and I'm already addicted..

I have no idea if it's right, but it looks kind of right to me...even if it took me five hours to figure out that you can, in fact, knit flat on circular needles...I think. Well, I'll let you know about that one.

Progress...

first

2009-08-08T09:08:00.000-07:00

Never sure how to begin. My life: a new mum (me), a lovely dad and a sweet little baby, A. Also a kitty and a rat. We live in Toronto, though I'm getting a little bored here and ready to move somewhere new, many ideas of where but still no plan in place for getting there, wherever there is.

My loves: making things--sewing, felting, crocheting (not great at), knitting (attempting to), pattern-drafting, soft toy making, reading (though not much of that since baby A came along), painting and drawing (every so often), cooking and baking lovely food.

More loves: things old (old photographs, old clothing, houses, stories, sewing patterns), cardigan sweaters (have many, most cherished are those that belonged to my lovely grandma--now so holey, but still lovingly worn), intrigued by the war-era (both world wars and the endurance of those who lived through them), music (used to live for music, now is still a large comfort for me).

That's all for now, will leave a few photos of baby A that I took the other evening--she laughed and played in the flowers as I brought in the laundry off the line) and the pictures I took of my sweet (and sometimes pesky) kitty, Wednesday early this morning. Wednesday (mostly known as Wenna) is such a good spirit, quiet and shy, I adopted her 7 years ago from the THS and she has been my good and constant companion through some tumultuous years (first years away-from-home at university and beyond).

I've been trying my hand at photography lately, inspired to take beautiful photos like those on this lovely blog (Erin is amazing!), so that my daughter will have some nice keepsakes from her childhood.

Baby A, playing in the flowers, 8 months old

Wednesday, aged 9, enjoying the garden early on a Saturday morning: